Broken
by renascence
Summary: 'I love my king no matter how much he hurts me.  I will always love him.'  Hephaestion can only take so much...  Alexander/Hephaestion, implied Alexander/Bagoas.


Author's Note: hello there, I thought I could try my hand at writing an Alexander fic. I do hope you like this. Personally, it took a lot of emotion for me to write this after watching the movie. I just love Hephaestion and I thought 'hey why not write a story?' This is just my take on how Hephaestion feels about the whole Alexander/Bagoas thing. Enjoy and Review!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the film.

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Broken

I know Alexander is king which means he is entitled to everything. But did he have to go as far as to kiss that pretty little whore in front of me? I know my Alexander doesn't mean to hurt me, but he does, sometimes to the point I can not bear to see him. Not only is he embarrassing me in front of the whole palace but he is also tearing my heart into pieces. Cleitus must have been getting a laugh out of this, another thing to boost his ego. _'The king's whore is no more!'_ I heard him whisper to Cassander, they looked at me and laughed. A result of one of the many sacrifices I have made for Alexander. My name is well known among the men, I have many enemies. They resent me very much for my closeness to the king. I looked on as my love continued to kiss Bagoas, as if no one existed. That was the way he used to kiss me, with so much passion. How could that boy compare to years of passion Alexander and me had shared?

Oh Monos, why must you curse me so? I have had enough, without another glance I quickly left the scene and raced to my chambers. Anger flowed through my veins; I want nothing to do with that **whore**. I will not be compared to him, nor be associated with him. What does Alexander see in the whore any way? What is it that he has that I do not? I wish to know the truth and not lies. My Alexander was wrong, I really have lost him. He does not love me the way he once had. The king's _eromenos _has token my place, sad as it may be.

I hate Bagoas, my body burns with grief at the mere thought of him touchng Alexander. He has stolen my love away from me, he knows of it. I do not know how much I can take uniitl I am no more. I know more of what he thinks I do of what goes on in his chambers and who he has bedded with. Why did I let myself believe that our love could withstan all life throws at us, when cleary it can't? Bagoas has won! He has won the king's heart, that used to be mine. How foolish I was to think his heart belogned to me. Cleitus was right, I am his whore, a mere pawn to his twisted desires…

Wait! I ran a hand through my locks.

Oh gods..what am I saying? I have had far to much wine this evening. My love has not forgotten about me. I am the only who he loves, not Bagoas. That boy could never compare to me, he has told me. Never will that Persian boy take my Alexander. His innocence can only go so far, he knows where he belongs and that is **not** in bed with my Achilles!

I threw my head back and sighed, such an outburst is not only wrong but stupid. Clearly, Alexander is only with Bagoas because it's his duty.

'_You are forgeting that your love willingly took the boy to bed every night while you lay cold in bed.'_I shook my head, these thoughts are wrong. Alexander has a big heart, he has always been that way.

'_No he has not, Hephaistion. You are losing him__ to the whore.' _These awful thoughts are too much for me to bear. I am torn, I do not know what to do. I want Alexander all to myself, but I can not deny him anothers' love.

'_He told you, you were the only one. Not Bagoas.' _

I put two hands over my ears, trying desperately to get rid of the thoughts that enter. They are wrong, Alexander does love me and will forever, right? They do not stop me from crying, bitter sobs filled the room. I changed into my night clothes quickly, maybe sleep will take away thse thoughts. The king will not come to my room, he does not worry about me. I am sure no one knows I've left the 'celebration'. Climbing into bed I close my eyes aching for the warm body that _**used**_ to be there. With one last thought I fell into a restless sleep.

No one knows the true pain I endure for Alexander, not even me.

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A/n: So, please tell me how I did? I know it seems a bit O.C.. but I tried really hard to show Hephaestion's angst. I honestly don't like Bagoas, he's adorable but I just don't like him. I hope you enjoyed reading this as I have had writing this. Please Review and we'll see if I should make a sequel….


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